


Broccoli and Brothers

by tversan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Family, Gen, Pre-Series, Teenchesters, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-20 12:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1510826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tversan/pseuds/tversan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam comes back, Dean is going to kill him for going missing. The problem is, he's not anywhere to be found. Teenchesters Dean 17, Sam 13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broccoli and Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, of course

_It's fascinating how the beginning of a day can be really good and then how quickly that can change for the worse. And how that change can continue to push your life into a new, terrible direction._

 

Dean can't help but smile as he and his brother are walking to school, both of them slipping on the wet leaves on the side of the road, with passing cars spluttering mud on their clothes. Sam is talking happily about his lessons and the friends he's met while Dean's walking behind him ready to catch Sam if he were to take a bad fall. Considering they've been here since school started in the fall, it's been easier than it usually is to find friends and Dean hasn't seen Sam this excited since he'd gotten that magic box on his tenth birthday.

But they've been a month in this place and Dean knows their dad will be back soon, which means they will have to leave for another town and another school.

"And then he actually… _whoooa_ "

"Feet, Sammy. Watch your feet." Dean says, still holding Sam in a tight grip.

Sam grins and continues.

Sometimes it was easier with the quiet, brooding Sam, Dean thinks. But he actually prefers this (not that he would ever admit it); even though it makes his ears bleed.

 

* * *

 

It might have started out as a good day, but Dean gets the feeling it will change when he overhears a conversation in the corridor. He finds Mrs Potts outside the school's cafeteria and Dean amazes himself just how good of a liar he is. Really, he's just awesome. He just hopes Sam takes it in a good way.

Sam on the other hand storms into his brothers classroom ten minutes after the lesson has started and Dean almost laughs at the angry expression, except for the fact it's not that funny at all. Dean had been busy flirting with the hottest chick in the school and by the look on his brother's face, Sam will probably embarrass him so much, everyone in the whole school will know what happened within the hour.

"Dean!" Sam yells. "Why did you tell my teacher I wasn't allowed to go to the field trip today?

_Oh, oh_.

Dean sighs, he knew they had to talk about this sooner or later, he would just have preferred later. Like, not in class in front of people. "You know perfectly well why, Sammy. You're not made for being outside. You know it's the season for that thing you're allergic to." He gives Sam a meaningful look, trying to get the kid to accept that there's no way he's going.

Sam just looks furious because he knows perfectly well it's because Dean doesn't want him in the woods because something supernatural mayor may not be there.

"It's a field trip Dean, a  _field_  trip."

"Doesn't change the fact we have to go to the hospital if you go. And I don't feel like spending hours at-"

Sam gets close to Dean and his voice though quiet is filled with rage. "I can't believe you're lying to teachers just because you think something will eat me if I walk into a forest, because you didn't have the time to check if something dangerous was in there. That's just stupid, Dean."

And with those words Sam slams the classroom door behind him.

"Denial," Deans says to the quiet classroom and his stunned teacher. "Yeah, he's in - deep denial about the whole thing. Running around in the wild ya know. It's…hard to accept he can't do that anymore."

-oOo-

Dean finds Sam during lunch where he's sitting at a table reading a book, pretending not to see Dean.

"Maybe," Dean says, "You should have told me about it instead of keeping it a secret. I'm supposed to know where you are. At all times, Sammy."

Sam stares at his book, ignoring Dean.

"There could be something there Sam. Just because there's been nothing recently doesn't mean it couldn't happen."

"I didn't withhold anything, I didn't even know about it. The field trip information was sent out last Friday and there has been so much going on with that stupid yearly apple-party everyone's busy preparing for, they all forgot to tell me. Mrs Potts thought I knew about it. She'd forgotten I was gone that day." Sam says, trying to explain.

Dean thinks he does look sorry and he feels a bit guilty for believing Sam would try to hide it from him.

"Still, Dean, it's ridiculous. I was just going on a field trip. Not on a suicide-killing-black dog-trip. Now I have to sit in the classroom, all by myself doing homework. If I'm lucky, Mr Rouge will come in and talk to me about his childhood – again!"

"Wow, you do know it's five month left until you're a teenager? You're not suppose to start now."

"You're such a dick Dean, you know that?" Sam stands up and takes his book and ends the conversation with nine dramatic words. "Congratulations, you just made my life even more miserable"

 

* * *

 

 

Dean is in his last lesson when Sam's teacher knocks quietly on the door, coming in, she walks over to him, and in a nervous voice asks Dean if he knows where Sam is. Dean's stomach lurches and he asks "Wasn't he doing math in the classroom or something?"

Mrs Potts shakes her head "He's not there."

"Well, have you checked the library?" He knows he's raising his voice.

"Yes, he's not there." Mrs Potts answers, giving Dean's teacher a nervous look. Dean shifts his gaze between them.

"What about the cafeteria?"

"No, He's not there either," Mrs Potts says quietly. Dean closes his eyes for a second.

"Have you checked the toilets, or the – "

"Mr Winchester, he's not here, he's not in the school."

Silence.

"What do you mean he's not in the school, of course he's in the school. Sammy would never leave this place". Everyone is staring now.

"Well –" Dean's teacher takes a step closer while Mrs Potts looks even more nervous (if that's possible)

"Really, he loves this place. He wouldn't just leave -" his voice does  _not_ quake.

"He was upset earlier, right. Maybe he –"

"No, no he wouldn't  _do_  that. You haven't looked well enough."

Dean is standing now, his heart pounding, ears ringing. Mrs Potts looks scared, and he realizes he must look quite intimidating, but at the moment it doesn't matter. He must find Sammy.

 

* * *

 

"But the allergy..."

"Shut up about the stupid allergy, all right!" Dean's getting impatient. He's looked through the whole school, twice. No one has seen Sam since lunch break and the teachers are starting to panic, which pisses Dean off, because he can't lose it. Not yet, he has to stay calm. The only thing that matters is to find Sammy and to not draw attention to his family. He already failed the second task and he doesn't want to fail the first, he won't. Dean swallows and speaks up from the uncomfortable chair he's sitting at, calming himself down a bit and shows the teachers his best smile, the one that can fool anyone. "Okay, listen. Sam was angry. He could have left to go brooding somewhere all right. So, no one will call the cops. No one will call the hospital. No one will freak out. It's just been two hours and I'll find him. My dad's on the way, and we got some friends close by that he might have taken off to. I'll take care of it, okay?"

_The first thing I'll do when I find Sam is to kill him_ , Dean thinks as he walks away from the school, ignoring the feeling in the pit of his stomach that tells him Sam would never leave and that the closest friends they've got are three states away. He's just a damn good liar.

Six hours later Dean's sitting at the motel room, mud and dirt everywhere, trying not to lose it on the phone. It doesn't matter that he was forced to grow up way too fast or that he's not scared at all when he's fighting Wendigos. Sometimes he's still only a sixteen year-old boy who's scared and needs his dad's help.

 

* * *

 

It's a nightmare. Dean and his dad spend every waking moment looking for Sam.

The thing is, there's no trail. None at all. And they look everywhere.

After a week of hardly any sleep, hunters coming and going, a few bags of potato chips and lots of coffee, his dad calls the police.

With the police looking, Dean has to go back to school. His dad and some other hunters are still looking, but Dean's not allowed anymore. There's no other way, his dad tells him. If they're going to stay Dean need to go to his lessons. They can't have teachers and social services after them, all time has to be spent concentrating on Sam.

Dean knows his dad is right, but he feels left out. And he doesn't know how he'll be able to sit in class, listening to something irrelevant while his brother could be anywhere.

First day back is hard. Everyone is staring, like he was some kind of alien (he guess he kind of looks like one, he can't even remember last time he slept). Half the school seems to think he or his dad has murdered Sam and left him for dead somewhere in the forest, and the rest looks at him like he just lost someone for good. And Dean tries to ignore it; he tries to ignore the students, the teachers, Sam's locker and Mrs Potts. He won't even go near the last place he saw Sam. However, when the fifth teacher comes up to him to tell him how sorry he is, Dean loses it a bit by screaming that Sam is not missing forever and that they'll find him soon. So could they stop acting like he's not?

The principal is nice about it though. He tells Dean it might be wise to take a few more days off, get some sleep maybe. Before Dean leaves he also tells Dean about the really good counsellor the school has, if Dean would be interested.

Dean on the other hand spends the rest of the day in the forest he was so scared Sam would get hurt in, wandering around until he finds a spot by the lake where he sits down. He, his dad, the police, search groups and several other hunters have spent hours in the woods. Every bit in this place has been searched and if there ever was something supernatural there, it wouldn't have had a chance.

Time passes. Deans gets quieter, Dad gets more obsessive, the school grows more concerned and the police seem to give up. After a month local police chief Tom pays them a visit, telling them there's no evidence of a crime or anything. Sam must have just left on his own. Unfortunately it's the same day hunters decided nothing supernatural was going on, plus it's November and John Winchester doesn't take Tom's news that well. The screaming can be heard all the way till the most populate local bar.

Dean on the other hand stops talking.

It's not an easy time. The only ones still searching is Dean, his dad and a few hunters who know Sam and don't want to give up yet. The motel room is quiet and gloomy.

The hardest part is of course night time. Dean started going to bed after his dad told him in a threatening voice that if Dean didn't go to bed by himself he had some really good drugs he'd gotten from Bobby that would knock Dean out for days and give him some interesting side effects. So Dean decided to obey.

Besides all the nightmares where Dean's imagination plays out like a damn horror movie it's the fact Sam's not there. His whole life he's shared a room with his brother. He knows his brothers sounds like the back of his hand and he's used to them, so used he can't sleep without them. Now he can only hear his dad's scribbling with a pen, his snoring, deep breathing or his mumble into his phone. There's no sound of a twelve year old anywhere. The only proof there ever was one is the untouched duffel bag in the corner and the broken father and brother avoiding to look at it.

 

* * *

 

School is just an obligation. He goes, he sits at class, and he comes home. When he's home he might take a walk, look for news on Sam, eat something and do his homework. Studying is somehow quite easy to get lost in, to try and solve problems that got nothing to do with his new hell life and he's trying to stay out of trouble in school, because he has to stay. But even though he's actually doing better on tests and homework the teachers are worried and Dean has to have another talk with the principal.

It's getting close to Christmas and the whole office is full of ornaments and red ribbons. His dad's sitting in the office next to a small Santa statue when he walks in and Deans sits down next to him while the principal looks at them with sad eyes. Apparently it's no good Dean doesn't have any friends and he's wondering if there's something going on with that.

Well, Dean thinks, no surprise he doesn't have any friends considering he's avoided everyone as well as he could.

When Dean won't answer the principal takes up another issue. The fact that Dean hasn't spoken for a month and seems to avoid any form of communication, and he's wondering if that's just in school or if he's not talking at all, because that would be a very serious problem.

His dad looks tired and tries with telling the principal the fact Sam only been missing for two months and it's just hard on Dean, because who wouldn't be upset because of that? But Dean knows his dad's concerned as well and in the end it's decided Dean will talk to the school counsellor. Which Deans finds a bit funny, because did they suddenly forget he wasn't  _speaking_  at all?

Bill's a funny looking guy. Curly hair and a pretty big nose, small eyes behind red glasses and a brightly coloured striped shirt. The only thing missing is the ugly tie the guy could wear.

Dean wonders if he's looking like that to make depressed students laugh.

It's an interesting hour where Bill says some things and Dean doesn't say anything. When they're finished Bill makes an appointment for next week and gives Dean his phone number, "In case you'd feel like talking" he says.

Dean takes the number, thinking,  _yeah, you'll be the first one I'll call when I feel like telling the world how sad I was when I watched the Lion King._

 

* * *

 

 

Bobby comes by for a longer visit during Christmas and New Year. He tells them it's too depressing sitting alone in his house and he could use the company.  _Bobby killing himself in his lonely house is less depressing than this,_  Dean thinks when the dreadful day comes. His dad and Bobby drinks quietly all day, sitting at the kitchen table while Dean lies on his bed staring at the ceiling. On the kitchen bench is a pie that was left by a neighbour who felt sorry for them. It's standing there alone, wrapped up in a neatly tied red ribbon reminding them all that it's Christmas.

The new year comes and Bobby leaves them alone again, telling them he's not giving up either and they both better start behaving better soon because Sam won't need two tired, skinny, disturbed family members when he comes back. He gives them both a big hug and stomps out of the motel door, slamming it closed, leaving the town with everyone gossiping about who the mysterious stranger was.

Even though the town people are suspicious about the Winchesters who're living in a motel room and the mysterious case of the youngest they all feel that Sam's absence is a loss for the town. A missing kid is always sad, and they show respect and leave them alone to "grieve" (even though they're searching, not grieving) except the occasional visit and the food they find outside their door some mornings.

Dean starts school again and he gets an A on his English essay. Bill is disappointed they still haven't made any progress yet and the students are whispering about him.

In February Dean walks by the auto shop in town when owner Joe calls out to him, "Your daddy says you're good with cars. You start tomorrow after school."

And it's not like he can object. He guesses his dad's getting impatient since Dean's neither talks or acknowledges people, so he's trying to do something about it. But Dean's just as stubborn as his dad and goes to work the day after.

The work is good though, and he goes there every day after school. It's a bit like how Dean's handling his homework, except this is way much better; to be focused on something else for a while makes him feel sane. But when he comes home to the quiet motel room he feels guilty, thinking about where Sam could be and the fact they haven't found him yet. That's when he goes to the forest again even though he knows Sam's not there.

 

* * *

 

 

It's not that smart to sit down on a bench with a whiskey bottle and get drunk in public in a town where everybody seems to know everyone. Not that he bothers anyone. Except maybe the mothers by the playground he's sitting at. The playground where Sam once climbed the monkey bars with soapy hands when Dean had dared him.

Instead of a police officer screaming at him to put his hands behind his head, Tom sits down right beside him and don't do or say anything when Dean takes another swig from the bottle.

Dean only has a few sips left and when he's finished, Tom just looks at him with sad eyes.

"It won't help son, it never does."

Tom takes him home to his own house where his wife Olivia is waiting, tears in her eyes, only flinching a little when Dean throws up on her nice carpet in the hall.

He crashes on their couch and in the morning Olivia makes him eggs and bacon that makes his stomach grumble. Dad picks him up right after breakfast, grounds him for two days and makes him pay for a new bottle that they both drink together that night.

Dean hates them all, the generosity, the sad smiles, the sympathy and the coddling.

He doesn't want it that way. People don't usually like him, he's an outsider, a weirdo who just moved in that people hate.

But not here, because they feel sorry for him, for him, his dad and his missing brother.

And Dean hates it, he doesn't want them in his life, he doesn't need their concern. He doesn't need their helping hand or the free milkshakes at Kikky's Diner.

If he had the strength to say something it's what he would say, tell them to leave him alone (together with all the curses he's ever heard). But he doesn't. He just sits there when the waitress gives him a free pie or when a teacher gives him another day to finish his homework.

He doesn't tell Tom he hates police officers when he gets a ride home from school or that he doesn't care about Olivia and her goal in life to make all teenagers saints. He doesn't even like them, for fuck's sake.

 

* * *

 

 

When Sam's been gone six months, Dean ditches school, goes to the lake and sits there for hours. When he comes home his dad's sitting at the kitchen table, drunk.

He screams at Dean to start talking, to do  _something_  and finishes by breaking down, sobbing on the kitchen floor.

The next morning Dad tells him he'll start hunting again. Sam's gone.

Dean's scared they will move, he's not ready yet, he's going to stay there until Sammy comes home. Dad seems to understand that, pats him on the shoulder before he walk out of the door, telling him he'll be home in a week. Dean stands by the door completely still for five minutes.

_His Dad told him Sam was gone._

It's not that different; Dad was "hunting" before, searching for Sam. Now it's back to creatures and ghosts. Dean continues as usual in school, does his homework, sits quiet in class and after school he goes to work. Once a week, he visits Bill and sits there for an hour, the two of them just looking at each other. Dean wonders if he should take up knitting for those hours he's just sitting there, doing nothing.

When Dad's been hunting for a month he comes home one night, looking sad and bleeding from a nasty wound on his shoulder.

Before Dean walks to school the next morning, his dad puts his newspaper down and tells Dean he wants to talk to him. "We need to make some changes Dean," he says. "We can't continue like this."

When he comes home from the auto shop that day, there are groceries in the fridge.

Dad makes a burned lasagne for dinner and even lights one of their ritual candles to make it homier. Dean sits on one of the beds staring at his dad humming in the small kitchen while cooking with an old radio blaring a bad static song from the one channel he could find.

He asks Dean nicely, smiling even, to set the table and Dean almost throws himself on the bottle of holy water. Dad answers the attack by chuckling,  _chuckling!_

_Great_ , Dean thinks while his father serves him some broccoli,  _Dad's lost it._

The thing is, Dad won't stop. He still goes hunting, but he's home more than he's ever been, and when he's home, he cooks, makes jokes and even tries to take Dean to one of the local basketball games. Neither of them likes basketball and they end up at a diner where dad buys them both the biggest ice-cream on the menu.

On Sam's birthday Dean decides it's time to get drunk again. His dad's away on a hunt for two nights and has probably forgotten about it or ignored it. Dean wish Sam could see their new chipper and joyful dad and he imagines Sam's smile and how they both would think dad was crazy. He sits at the room drinking because he wants to forget that, he doesn't want to think about it. He just wants to drink until he throws it all up again, because somehow that would actually help.

But it still comes to him; Sam's thirteen today, a teenager, and Dean can't share that moment with him.  _"Congratulations , you just made my life even more miserable"_

Somehow the liquor has a small taste of saltwater.

Dean knows he can't continue the non-talking non-caring behaviour so he tries, for his dad and for the fact that if he doesn't do something someone will take him away, or he has to meet more psychologists or doctors. Bill's talking about treatment and the teachers are sending him worrying looks. And since he hasn't found Sam yet, he has to change. He will stay in that town as long as it takes.

He starts small. One night he grins when Dad makes a lame joke that they should check out the delivery guy because he moved a bit like a zombie.

Dad drops the pizza on the floor.

He still doesn't talk to people, he got nothing to say really, and he's not interested in answering their questions. But he improves.

When Miss Miller ask the class how many chambers a heart's got, Dean pulls up his hand. Miss Miller stops, confused "…Mr Winchester?"

Dean holds up four fingers, ignoring his classmates' stunned faces. Miss Miller looks like it's Christmas. If Dean had known he could make someone that excited by waving a few fingers in the air he would have done it weeks ago.

The bad thing about it all is that Bill won't stop talking about it. Dean decides he made a big mistake with the whole connecting with people thing when he walks into the psychologist room, the guy is practically glowing he's so happy.

Apparently Dean's had a big breakthrough, and everyone knows about it. People are smiling at him, encouraging him and telling him how brave he is and he feels annoyed by the fact everyone's treating him like a five year old. It's not like he couldn't answer questions before, it was a choice he made by not doing it. He had done it now so that people would leave him alone, but apparently it didn't work, since they obviously didn't.

But they seem happy, and Dean's not concerned they'll take him away any more. It's all that matters.

 

* * *

 

 

He got a future, a dad who's trying, a place he's actually been staying for longer than just

a few months, a number of teachers telling him about college and jobs. He knows that Sally and at least ten other girls at school are into him, he knows Jeff could be his friend if Dean wanted to and that Joe would gladly let him work at the auto shop for the rest of his life.

But somehow, that doesn't matter. He doesn't want to, because honestly, it just hurts too much.

It hurts him to think about a life without Sam and he doesn't think he could ever do it.

Sitting by the lake watching the sun come down, reflecting itself in the perfectly mirror of the lake's surface.

He doesn't want to think about a future without his geeky little brother, the life he's living now.

Dean looks at the gun in his hand, the gun that should have been polished months ago and knows he can't do it. He knows he won't be able to, not until they find Sam.

Not until he knows, until he's absolutely sure that Sam's ...

 

* * *

 

 

School ends and it's summer vacation.

The principal calls Dean to his office and gives him a nervous speech about why they need to empty Sam's locker. Bill is also sitting in the room and Dean suspects it's because the principal is scared Dean will have a mental breakdown and kill him.

Dean however takes the news pretty good. The fact they haven't told Dean to empty the locker before actually means a great deal. It doesn't make it easier to actually do it though.

The principal says someone else can do it, but Dean knows he must be the one. Bill follows him at first but disappears after Dean gives him a murderous look.

He stands in front of the locker staring at it for an hour before he can actually open it. After that it takes thirty minutes before he manages to look inside. It's been months since Dean looked at any of Sam's stuff, both he and his dad avoids Sam's stuff at the motel room like the plague and Dean doesn't think he's ready yet. He's looked at everything before, and the police as well in the beginning of everything and even that was hard.

In the end Dean quickly throws everything in a blue plastic bag, and then goes to the bathroom to be sick. To summon it up: it took one and a half hour to open the locker, oneminute to empty it and fifteen minutes to deal with the after-effects. He doesn't feel any better when he thinks about the fact Sam would so tease him about that.

 

* * *

 

In July, his Dad stops with his joyfulness and Dean feels relieved. Relived that he didn't have to check his dad into a mental institute and glad he won't be surrounded by fake happiness at home any more.

Dean follows his dad on one hunt, taking out his frustration by killing the thing.

His Dad watches, nodding approvingly when Dean stabs it six times more then he have to. Somehow Dean doesn't think this is what Bill meant by trying other things to take his mind off Sam.

He also goes for a visit to Bobby's. It's hard leaving town because he wants to be there just in case, in case Sam would come back. But he actually trusts the town people. He seriously doesn't think they wouldn't notice Sam, so he leaves for a week. Bobby seems to enjoy the company and Dean actually does too. It feels pretty good to be away from the town he now lives in considering he hates it there.

When school starts again everyone greets Dean. It feels weird to come back for a place where people know you and to have them ask if you had a good summer vacation (yes, a few of them actually asks that. Dean just glares at them).

Sally seems to have decided Dean will be her boyfriend and no one is more surprised than Dean when they're standing in a corner kissing, with Sally whispering about how hot he is with his mysterious silence. For a while Dean pretends that's what it is, a mysterious silence and no one knows why. Unfortunately it's only Sally who's stupid enough not to understand why Dean won't talk.

 

* * *

 

 

The night before it's been a year since Sam disappeared neither of them get any sleep. His dad gets up around six, get dressed and steps out the motel door where he stands still for a minute until he leaves. Dean can hear the rumble of the Impala as his dad drives away and for a moment he's scared his Dad will leave too, that this was the last time they saw each other.

His Dad will come back, though, he knows that, and Dean stays in bed for a few more hours. There's no way he's going to school or work so he just lies there trying to make time go by faster until he sees the dusty duffel bag and the blue plastic bag in the corner. That's when it comes to his mind that he doesn't remember what book Sam was reading the day he went missing. He doesn't remember the way Sam used to pout his mouth when he was angry or the sound of his voice when he was happy about something. Hell, even Sam's laugh is fading from his mind.

Then realization hits him. That Sam's been missing for a year, a whole year. That he hasn't heard or seen his brother for 365 long days. The longest they'd ever been without each other before was four days. And now it's been a year. And he realizes that his brother is missing, and no one can find him, that he'll probably live forever never knowing what happened.

The cold air creeps inside his jacket when he leaves the room and he hurries to the auto shop and walks in and grabs a key chain ignoring Joe's stare, take one of the cars and drives away. Joe won't call the police, but he seriously wouldn't care if that was the case.

And Dean drives, he drives for a few hours until he's somewhere where there's no people and steps out of the car and screams. He screams as loud as he can, cursing and yelling, screaming for his brother to come back because it's about damn time. Screams to make the pain stop.

Then he cries, for the first time since Sam disappeared he allows himself to really cry, because he's sad. Because his brother is missing.

Driving back home, he returns the car and sit down on his bed and wait for the day to pass.

Bobby comes by again after that. Neither of the Winchesters had picked up their phones that day and Bobby is more than a little upset.

Dean knows Bobby is mainly concerned about Dean and angry at John for not doing something.

Dean also knows he is depressed, really. It's not a secret; he just knows he won't be able to ever be truly happy again, so why bother.

 

* * *

 

 

November the second has always been a bad day for the Winchesters. Last year it was somehow a bit forgotten. They were busy trying to find Sam and while the day was there and they knew about it, their reality was already so awful they didn't have the energy to think about another member of the family that was gone. And there was no time for grieving; they just had to find Sam.

This year however, it's worse than ever. No Mary and no Sam, just the two who are left wishing they were gone as well.

Dean wonders sometimes how life will play out.

He'll never give up. As long as he doesn't know where Sam is, if there's the slightest chance Sam is alive he won't give up, but he won't be happy along the way. So, somehow, he manages. Because he just have to. The only thing that keeps him going is Sam, and to find him he has to stay strong and alive.

People keep telling him that he can have a life; he can enjoy things, talk, laugh and find love. He's heard the cheesy speech at least a dozen times. "That's what Sam would have wanted," they say, "for you to move on with your life."

Dean knows better than anyone that Sam would kill him if he knew how Dean was handling the whole thing, but that's the whole point. Sam's  _not_  there.

It's not like he wants to learn more in school, take Sally on a date or go for a joyride in a car. And while he might go to school, work with cars and kiss Sally sometimes in a dark room, he doesn't enjoy it. He does it because he has to. Not because he's trying to find his way back in life, or whatever.

The end of November brings chilly winds to the area. Dean is keeping himself busy with school and work.

His dad comes home for a few days and they eat take-out in front of the old TV. His dad talks a bit about the latest hunt, but otherwise they don't say much. Well, Dean doesn't say anything as usual. Dad seems to have given up about getting him to talk and for that Dean is glad. He have enough people bugging him about it.

One day Dean goes outside the motel room to buy some food for them, and spots the Impala. No one has clearly looked after it for a year. It's all dirty and dusty and inside the car there are all kinds of junk. He makes it his little project and kills a few hours trying to take care of it. That is until he finds one of Sam's socks next to a can of Sam's favourite soda. He stops quickly after that and decides the Impala is good as it is.

 

* * *

 

 

One year, two month and three days after  _that_ day, Sam walks into the classroom during a boring history lesson where Sally keeps passing him dirty notes.

Sam stops in the doorway and Dean stares.

No teacher has ever heard the classroom so quiet before, not even the pipes that usually whistle during complicated tests.

Everyone in the room recognises Sam (except new guy Steve who looks weirdly at everyone), they've seen him in person, on posters and on the news.

Dean stares.

For two whole minutes nothing happens, everyone is just staring.

Sam at Dean, and the whole room at Sam.

Then Dean stands up. He just don't care, he doesn't care if it's a ghost, a hallucination, a demon or a fucking shapehifter. He just wants to hold his little brother. And he does.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam's sitting on his bed reading something when he looks up at Dean. "Seriously Dean, it's distracting. Just take a picture and get it over with."

"Huh?" Dean comes back to reality. He's standing by the sink with a plate in one hand and a towel in the other, lost in thoughts looking at his brother once again like he can't believe Sam is actually there.

"Oh…sorry." He puts the plate down and thinks for a minute, "Maybe we should buy one."

"A what?" Sam takes his eyes of the book again.

"A camera, genius," Dean says grinning. "We've never had one."

"Never?" Sam says looking more interested and Dean knows where this is going.

"Well you know, I guess we had. Before,"  _Before the fire,_ " but not since. It might be fun."

Sam huffs, "Yeah. I don't think dad will approve. Unless we can tell him the importance of having a camera when we're hunting."

Dean laughs, imagining dad taking tourist pictures in the middle of a hunt. "Fine, Sammy. You're right. As always."

Sam grins and starts reading again just as their dad opens the door.

"Ready to get outta here boys?"

"Hell yeah," Dean says moving fast to get their bags. Sam's been back three weeks and Dean can't wait to leave the town that's been his home for the past fifteen, sixteen months.

Sam however sighs, put his book down, "I kind of like this town. Why can't we stay over Christmas at least?" he asks in his trademark, whiny voice.

It's quiet for a few seconds before Sam burst out laughing. "You should have seen your faces!" He laughs, trying to catch his breath.

Dad gives him a stern look and says, "That's not funny, Sam," even though Dean can see his father's mouth twitching.

"Yeah," Dean says, trying to hide his grin. "Just because you're the towns new cuddly boy doesn't mean we want to stay here."

Sam blushes. He'd been very surprised, coming back, with everyone knowing who he was and giving him gifts and teary hugs.

"Let's just leave", Sam says, stalking out of the door. Dean gets a smirk from his father and hurries out of the door, not looking back at the motel room.

They've been driving for ten minutes and Sam's already out for the count, book hanging loose from his hands. He hasn't been sleeping well since coming back and Dean is grateful he's getting some rest. It's been the only side effect Sam's had from the year they've been apart, nightmares and uneasiness. Sam's been very lucky, though. The idiot that kidnapped Sam seemed to have been a "nice" idiot. He had kept Sam locked up in a room that even Sam couldn't escape (the guy had been that good), given him food, letting him watch movies, read books, only giving some empty threats. There had also been a few more kids, so Sam hadn't been completely alone. Being apart from his family and bored had been the only terrible thing (and the whole kidnapping experience in all of course), but that had been bad enough.

_Why_  the guy had been holding Sam and the other children captured is still a mystery but Dean knows they're on their way finding out soon. Supernatural or not, their father will find him.

"Dad," Dean says in a hushed voice, "could we stop at the school for a few minutes? I need to do something."

Dad gives him a questioning look, but turns to park by the school. "Just make it quick. I want to leave before everyone finds out we're actually leaving."

Dean knows his father is in a hurry. The town would probably throw them a goodbye party if they knew what they were doing. The scariest part is that some probably already know, the townspeople are sneaky that way.

Dean zips his jacket up and hurries into the school, walking along the corridors one last time.

He stops outside Bill's door for a few seconds before knocking and walking in.

Bill's in the middle of what looks like another boring session with a student when Dean comes in. He's not looking happy but Dean guesses it's because they never did any progress and they haven't seen each other since Sam been back.

Dean's back because, hey, Bill took a lot of time being with Dean (although Dean didn't want to) and he should at least get some credits for trying.

Dean looks at Bill and tosses him a packet. Bill gives him an unsure look but pick up the packet where it landed.

"I just missed him, that's all," Dean says and smiles, mostly at the look of Bill's face (who's never heard him talk, or seen him smile) because that's seriously got to be the funniest thing he's seen in a long while. Except Sam's reaction when Miss Goggily burst out crying when she saw Sam and hugged him for ten long minutes. Dean almost cracked a rib, he was laughing so hard.

He gives Bill one last smile and leaves, hoping Bill will wear the present he bought for him; the ugliest tie he could find in this dreadful town.

The classes are ending and Dean quickly walks through the mass of students, spots his dad parked nearby and gets in the car. He smiles as his dad nervously looks over his shoulder to see if anyone is following them before taking off in a cautious speed, not fast nor slow enough to catch anyones attention. John Winchester – the great hunter, scared of townsfolk... Dean hides his grin by turning his face towards his sleeping brother, taking in the fact that Sam is actually in the backseat of the Impala.

Not until they're completely out of town Dean can breathe out for the first time since Sam disappeared.

All three Winchesters safe and together, knowing they will never, ever be back.


End file.
